What does a solutions-focused conversation with a footballer low on confidence look like?

I recently worked with a teenage player who plays in centre midfield. He was going through a period struggling with confidence and in particular trusting himself to receive the ball in tight spaces and play on the half turn.

“I just don’t trust myself. I end up just playing it backwards or sideways to be safe.”

Me: Ok, so if we spend a bit of time discussing this now, and it’s helpful, how will you know it’s been helpful? What will be different?

[Thinks…] “I suppose I would feel less worried about that part of my game. I’d trust myself more.”

Me: You’d trust yourself more…

“Yeah. And I’d just be more confident. Yeah. More confident about it.”

Me: Ok, so if we chat around this topic and at the end you feel more confident about turning with the ball and you trust yourself more, that would be good?

“Yeah, definitely.”

Me: Ok, so… on a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is you are 100% confident of your ability to turn when you can, and 1 is the opposite, where would you put yourself now?

“About a 3. Maybe a 4. Yeah, a 4.”

Me: A 4. Ok. Why as high as a 4, not a 1?

“…well, I can do it. I mean, I have done it well at times, so I can do it.”

Me: You can do it. Ok, what else makes it a 4?

“I can picture myself doing it. It seems easy when I picture it.”

Me: Ok, what else makes it a 4?

“…Well, I reckon it could all just start going well again when my confidence kicks in. It could be temporary and just sort itself out.”

Me: You mentioned that you have done it, so you know you can do it. Tell me about one of those times. Tell me about a particular match when you were comfortable receiving in tight spaces and with your back to goal.

“Yeah, it was earlier in the season and I was just having one of those games when I felt super confident and things were working.”

Me: How did your confidence show itself? What told you you were confident?

“I just felt I could do more or less what I wanted. I didn’t care about making mistakes. I just tried things and most seemed to work.”

Me: How else did your confidence show?

“I wanted the ball the whole time. Demanding it. Always available.”

Me: Ok…what else showed you were confident?

“[Thinking hard…] If something didn’t work, I didn’t care. It didn’t affect me, I just wanted to get back on with the next thing.”

Me: what difference did that make, responding that way?

“Not caring if things didn’t work?”

Me: Yes.

“Well, I suppose it meant I kept trying things, kept doing positive things.”

Me: What difference did that make to your teammates? You not caring about mistakes and still trying things?

“…I suppose it was a good example?”

Me: Ok…what else?

“…it maybe gave them confidence to be positive. We were all really positive that day. Can’t say it was about me.”

Me: When they were positive, how did that affect you?

“Made me want to make even more happen. Wanted to be at the centre of it.”

Me: And what about the person you were up against? What effect did you have on them when you played this way?

“He couldn’t get near me. Or hardly ever. I dominated him.”

Me: How did that show? What could you see that showed you were dominating him?

“You could see him getting disheartened. He started moaning about things and I think he gave up by the end.”

Me: And what effect did that have on you?

“Loved it. I just wanted to pile it on.”

Me: This sounds like you close to, or at, your best.

“Ha ha, yes, it does. It probably is.”

Me: So… tell me about tight spaces and turning with the ball that day, when you were at your best.

“It just worked. I was sharp, I was confident. I was having fun. I did everything without thinking too much, just did things. I mean, I probably did get caught out once or twice but it didn’t bother me, just got on with it.”

Me: Ok, so you know what it feels like to be confident in turning, and not caring if it doesn’t work every time. You know you can ignore those and keep playing positively.

“Yes. I’d kind of forgotten I can do that.”

Me: And you know what a confident you looks like — the things you do, the effect you have on your teammates, your impact on the opposition…

“Yes, I’ve got a good sense of it right now.”

Me: Ok… On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is 100% confident that you can play that way again, and 1 is the opposite — zero confidence you can play that way again — where would you put yourself?

“Right now? Right now an 8.”

Me: Ok…why an 8?

“Because I know I can do it. It’s not hard. I’ve done it. More than once, not just that game, at times in other games.”

Me: Ok. Why else an 8?

“I want more matches like that. That’s how I see myself playing, that’s who I want to be. In my head, that’s who I am.”

Me: Ok. Why else are you an 8?

“…I can picture it. It’s within my grasp. I just need to own it.”

Me: Ok. Why else an 8?

“…I’ve got the ability, I know what to do. I’ve done it already so I can do it again.”

Me: Ok. You said just now, “In my head, that’s who I am.” Give me 3 words that describe who you are when you play that way. Just 3 words.

“Lively.”

Me: Ok…

“Carefree.”

Me: Yes…

“Sharp. Sharp and dominant. Can I have 4? Lively, carefree, sharp and dominant.”

Me: Yes, of course. “Lively, carefree, sharp and dominant.” This is you at your best. This is your match manifesto going forwards. We’ll come back to this another time, but for now remember your match manifesto, and spend 5 minutes thinking about you at your best every day.

Picture yourself when you’re lively, carefree, sharp and dominant. Take your time, picture the details, get really clear images in your mind…

Take your match manifesto into training. See what difference it makes to train with the intention of “lively, carefree, sharp and dominant”. See what you notice and others notice when you do that. Be deliberate…

I’ll ask you about changes you’ve noticed when we next meet, so make a mental note so you can tell me.

COMMENTARY:

I’ll keep working with this player to help him manage himself when things are not going well in a game or training. Just because we’ve worked through ‘him at his best’, and he now has a stronger belief he is capable of achieving what he wants, doesn’t mean he’s now immune from a poor performance or tough times.

We would work on what ‘him at his best’ looks like when he’s just having a bad game (as everyone does), or his opponent on a particular day is playing out of his skin. Solution-focused conversations are particularly useful for helping players recognise and be able to bring forth the best version of themselves in the middle of adversity, perhaps turning a 3/10 performance into a 5/10 — that could be enough difference between the team winning or losing.

The solutions-focused conversation above is the first part of helping him to be at his best whether he’s ruling the pitch or having a nightmare. He needs to be able to manage himself in both.

You can contact me on morganbriefcoaching@gmail.com if you’d like me to work with you using a solutions-focused coaching conversation, or if you’d like your coaching team trained in how to have conversations like this one.